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Dealing with a dying person and dealing with death are not easy, health professionals will try to assist you but unless they are trained, it will be difficult for them also. They may be able to identify imminent death as some signs will be present, if you feel scared or anxious please ask a nurse to be with you or a close family member to be present. The actual dying process is different for each person, don't be afraid to keep talking to them, it is believed that the hearing sense is the last to go.You may see death as a release for their suffering, or even be glad. Such feelings are common and you should not feel you have to behave "Normally". It can be very upsetting or very profound but will stay with you forever.
If the person you are looking after wishes to die at home, please check fully which services are available to support someone who is dying, and do not always rely on out of hours services which can be very thin and patchy. If you run out of pain reliving drugs, can you get more at short notice and from where? district nurses can be hard to contact, especially at night.
Try as much as you are able to act normally with your loved one, this is very hard as we have found out, but crying or becoming upset in front of them can be distressing to them as they become weaker, keep visitor numbers down to a minimum as it can be very tiring for them and for you to talk with them. Whatever you decide to do, dying is a normal process but ensuring your loved one is pain free and comfortable are the key matters to consider.
What happens when they die
Their are certain procedures to be carried out after death, this depends if they die in hospital,hospice or at home. In any case the body must be examined by a doctor to officially certify death has occurred. However, if the patient has died at home and has not been seen by the family GP for over 24 hours it is possible that a postmortem may have to be carried out. If they die in hospital it will require only a doctor to certify death and usually no postmortem is carried out if the disease was known at the time(terminal cancer)of death. If your unsure ask a nurse to explain any procedures to you. You can stay with the deceased( your loved one) for as long as you wish. The nursing staff will seek your permission to dress the body before relocating it to the Morgue.
It can be very upsetting to leave your loved one at this time, you may still view them at any time in the morgue usually by appointment and with a nurse attending. Please be aware that it can be also upsetting seeing them again, so try not go alone if you wish to see them again. The deceased will be collected from the hospital, hospice by the funeral director when all the release paperwork has been completed. If you are having a cremation, two signed certificates from two doctors are required and this may hold up collection.The body will have been prepared to be viewed at a chapel of rest unless religious requirements dictate otherwise
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